{"id":2055,"date":"2020-10-15T20:20:19","date_gmt":"2020-10-15T18:20:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/?p=2055"},"modified":"2026-07-02T19:43:21","modified_gmt":"2026-07-02T17:43:21","slug":"le-bronze-en-entreprise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/2020\/10\/15\/le-bronze-en-entreprise\/","title":{"rendered":"Le Bronz\u00e9 en entreprise"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Bip ! Bip ! Les employ\u00e9s !<\/p>\n<p>Je suis votre <strong>G<\/strong>.<strong>O<\/strong>.<strong>E<\/strong>., <strong>G<\/strong>entil <strong>O<\/strong>rganisateur d\u2019<strong>E<\/strong>ntreprise !<\/p>\n<p>Je vous ai apport\u00e9 du soleil dans mes bagages !<\/p>\n<p>Je viens d\u2019\u00eatre recrut\u00e9 pour \u00eatre votre nouveau num\u00e9ro 2 !<\/p>\n<p>Je prends la suite de l\u2019ancien num\u00e9ro 2 qui est pass\u00e9 num\u00e9ro 1.<\/p>\n<p>L\u2019ex <em>\u00ab\u00a0Number One\u00a0\u00bb<\/em> en avait assez de prendre le Soleil.<br \/>\nIl \u00e9tait tout fl\u00e9tri \u00e0 force de se barbouiller d\u2019auto-bronzant.<br \/>\nTellement, qu\u2019il aurait pu faire de l\u2019ombre \u00e0 <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Donald Trump\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Donald_Trump\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">un certain golfeur blondinet c\u00e9l\u00e8bre<\/a> sur les greens de <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Mar-a-Lago\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mar-a-Lago\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Mar-a-Lago<\/a>.<br \/>\nEt puis, comme il avait pas les moyens d\u2019investir ses francs en <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Floride\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Floride\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Floride<\/a>, il a pr\u00e9f\u00e9r\u00e9 la <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Suisse\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Suisse\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Suisse<\/a> pour y planquer son bl\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>Vous allez voir, on va bien s\u2019amuser ensemble !<\/p>\n<p>Au programme :<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Team building\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Team_building\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Ping-pong en plein air<\/a>,<\/li>\n<li>Tennis avec trous dans la raquette (surtout la mienne),<\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Mission interminist\u00e9rielle de vigilance et de lutte contre les d\u00e9rives sectaires\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mission_interminist%C3%A9rielle_de_vigilance_et_de_lutte_contre_les_d%C3%A9rives_sectaires\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">S\u00e9ances de spiritisme<\/a> et num\u00e9ro d\u2019\u00e9quilibriste sur chaise r\u00e9alis\u00e9 par la voyante,<\/li>\n<li>Dessin et coloriage <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"DISC\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/DISC\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">4 couleurs (rouge, vert, jaune et bleu)<\/a>,<\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Mentorat d'entreprise\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Mentorat_d%27entreprise\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Confessions intimes<\/a> sans cam\u00e9ra sous les ordres de la voix,<\/li>\n<li>&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>C\u2019est tr\u00e8s <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Loft Story (M6)\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Loft_Story_(M6)\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Soft Story<\/a> !<\/p>\n<p>Cool !<\/p>\n<p>Entreprise lib\u00e9r\u00e9e avec chemise hawa\u00efenne au <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Code vestimentaire\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Code_vestimentaire\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Dress Code<\/a> !<br \/>\n<a id=\"hrefanais\" class=\"mytube\" href=\"#anais\">Vous serez d\u00e9livr\u00e9s<\/a> de toute charge mentale !<\/p>\n<p>Et moi ?<br \/>\n<a id=\"hrefvoy\" class=\"mytube\" href=\"#voy\">J\u2019voyage ! J\u2019voyage !<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Sinon, je vous pr\u00e9viens tout de suite, j\u2019ai une grave phobie administrative.<br \/>\nHors de question d\u2019\u00e9crire quoique ce soit !<br \/>\nJe ne fais que des petits dessins sur des bouts de papier volant pendant que vous parlez.<br \/>\nMoi, dans une boite comme \u00e7a, je pourrais rester assis des heures sans parler, juste \u00e0 contempler les autres qui bossent.<\/p>\n<p>Et \u00e0 la No\u00ebl, c\u2019est ma secr\u00e9taire qui passe les commandes de cadeaux.<br \/>\nL\u00e0, je lui ai donn\u00e9 mes instructions pour recevoir un casque \u00e0 r\u00e9duction sonore dernier cri.<\/p>\n<p>Il faut bien \u00e7a, avec tout le bruit qui vient du bureau du num\u00e9ro 1 juste \u00e0 c\u00f4t\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>Quand les gens viennent s\u2019y plaindre, c\u2019est toujours le m\u00eame timbre de sa voix qui s\u2019\u00e9l\u00e8ve.<br \/>\n\u00c7a me fait mal \u00e0 mes pauvres petites oreilles toutes fragiles.<\/p>\n<p>Mais \u00e7a va, il assure grave quand m\u00eame pendant les r\u00e9unions avec les clients.<br \/>\nSes petites mains font la pr\u00e9sentation, et lui, il n\u2019utilise que les siennes pour taper sur son gros clavier, sans jamais lever la t\u00eate de l\u2019\u00e9cran.<\/p>\n<p>D\u00e8s qu\u2019il entend <em>\u00ab\u00a0Hop ! Hop ! Hop !\u00a0\u00bb<\/em>, il intervient, se rel\u00e8ve avec droiture, et s\u2019exclame fermement <em>\u00ab Je m\u2019engage ! \u00bb.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Sa secr\u00e9taire a bien pig\u00e9 le truc.<br \/>\nQuand elle prend des notes particuli\u00e8res dans son bureau, qu\u2019il est bien concentr\u00e9, <a id=\"hrefbasic\" class=\"mytube\" href=\"#basic\">elle se la joue<\/a> <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Sharon Stone\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Sharon_Stone\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Sharon Stone<\/a> dans <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Basic Instinct\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Basic_Instinct\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Basic Instinct<\/a>, et d\u2019un coup : <em>\u00ab\u00a0Hop ! Hop ! Hop !\u00a0\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Elle a bien fait de devenir responsable des ressources humaines.<br \/>\nElle comprend tr\u00e8s tr\u00e8s bien la vraie nature de l\u2019homme.<\/p>\n<p>Bon alors, pour les prochains points s\u00e9rieux, attention !<br \/>\nC\u2019est moi qui apporte les bi\u00e8res !<\/p>\n<p>Ok ! <a class=\"loi\" title=\"Peut-on consommer de l'alcool au travail ?\" href=\"https:\/\/www.service-public.gouv.fr\/particuliers\/vosdroits\/F32177\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">La consommation d\u2019alcool n\u2019est pas vraiment l\u00e9gale en entreprise<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Mais mince quoi !<br \/>\nOn travaille pas dans la sant\u00e9 tout de m\u00eame !<\/p>\n<p>Et puis, tant qu\u2019il n\u2019y a pas de photos qui circulent librement, et qui pourraient tomber entre de mauvaises mains \u2026<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2685\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2685\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2685\" src=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Sante--300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Sante\u0301 !\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Sante--300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Sante--1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Sante--768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Sante-.jpg 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 85vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2685\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sante\u0301 !<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Mais surtout que celui ou celle qui tient la bouteille n\u2019est pas dans le collimateur du num\u00e9ro 1 \u2026<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2684\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2684\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2684\" src=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Attention Chasse en cours\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours-1024x769.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours-768x577.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours-1536x1154.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours-1200x901.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Attention-Chasse-en-cours.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 85vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2684\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Attention Chasse en cours<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>\u00c7a pourrait se finir entre 6 yeux dans le bureau d\u2019en face, porte close \u2026<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2686\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2686\" style=\"width: 265px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2686\" src=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-265x300.png\" alt=\"Enjoy the Silence\" width=\"265\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-265x300.png 265w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-906x1024.png 906w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-768x868.png 768w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-1359x1536.png 1359w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-1812x2048.png 1812w, https:\/\/sosi.expert\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/Enjoy-the-Silence-1200x1357.png 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 265px) 85vw, 265px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2686\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Enjoy The Silence<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>&#8230; comme <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Toilettes\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Toilettes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">aux waters<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Tout va bien !<br \/>\n<a id=\"hrefgo\" class=\"mytube\" href=\"#go\">Darla Dirladada !<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Bon, ben du coup, dans tr\u00e8s peu de temps, je vous chanterai :<br \/>\n\u00ab\u00a0<em><a id=\"hrefski\" class=\"mytube\" href=\"#ski\">Quand te reverrai-je, entreprise merveilleuse ?<\/a><\/em><br \/>\n<em>O\u00f9 ceux qui s&rsquo;barrent, finissent heureux !<\/em>\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n<p><a id=\"hrefsplen\" class=\"mytube\" href=\"#splen\"><strong>Splendide !<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>R\u00e9f\u00e9rence<\/strong> \ud83d\udc49\ud83c\udffd <a class=\"wikipedia\" title=\"Les Bronz\u00e9s\" href=\"https:\/\/fr.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Les_Bronz%C3%A9s\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener ugc\">Les Bronz\u00e9s<\/a><\/p>\n<div id=\"ski\" class=\"sosiDialog\">\n<div>\n<table style=\"border: none;\">\n<tbody>\n<tr style=\"border: none;\">\n<td style=\"border: none;\" width=\"25%\"><\/td>\n<td style=\"border: none;\" width=\"50%\"><div id=\"wpfp_74915fbdb223c512011cbc7df5fb7501\" data-item=\"{&quot;sources&quot;:[{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/sosi.expert\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/1778\\\/24\\\/Quand-te-reverrais-je.-Les-Bronzes-font-du-ski.mp4&quot;,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;video\\\/mp4&quot;}],&quot;id&quot;:&quot;97&quot;}\" class=\"flowplayer no-brand is-splash is-paused skin-custom no-svg fp-slim fp-outlined bottom-fs\" data-fv-embed=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/2020\/10\/15\/le-bronze-en-entreprise\/fvp-97\/\" style=\"position:relative; 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Bip ! Les employ\u00e9s ! Je suis votre G.O.E., Gentil Organisateur d\u2019Entreprise ! Je vous ai apport\u00e9 du soleil dans mes bagages ! Je viens d\u2019\u00eatre recrut\u00e9 pour \u00eatre votre nouveau num\u00e9ro 2 ! Je prends la suite de l\u2019ancien num\u00e9ro 2 qui est pass\u00e9 num\u00e9ro 1. L\u2019ex \u00ab\u00a0Number One\u00a0\u00bb en avait assez &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/2020\/10\/15\/le-bronze-en-entreprise\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continuer la lecture<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> de &laquo;&nbsp;Le Bronz\u00e9 en entreprise&nbsp;&raquo;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2052,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[48,18,19],"tags":[20,21],"class_list":["post-2055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humour","category-sante","category-sante-mentale","tag-sante","tag-sante-mentale"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.9 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Splendide ! 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Bip ! Les employ\u00e9s ! Je suis votre G.O.E., Gentil Organisateur d\u2019Entreprise ! Je vous ai apport\u00e9 du soleil dans mes bagages ! Je viens d\u2019\u00eatre recrut\u00e9 pour \u00eatre votre nouveau num\u00e9ro 2 ! Je prends la suite de l\u2019ancien num\u00e9ro 2 qui est pass\u00e9 num\u00e9ro 1. L\u2019ex \u00ab\u00a0Number One\u00a0\u00bb en avait assez\u2026","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2055","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2055"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2055\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3009,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2055\/revisions\/3009"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2052"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sosi.expert\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}